My daughter, Grace, and I were at her doctor’s appointment signing onto the office wifi while waiting for the doctor. As is typical to expect, a page pops up prompting us to affirm by clicking “Yes” to the question: “Have you read and agreed [to everything, blah, blah, blah]…” …which, also typical of most people, we did click “Yes” without actually reading the “blah, blah, blah-dee-dah.” Grace then told me that she had read somewhere that this was one of the most notorious lies ever told. We both chuckled in agreement (with a bit of conviction, also). –But I am convinced, and CONVICTED! that the *most* infamous lie is, in fact, “I do."
Consider the *express
meaning* of each promise within the marriage vows:
Standard Traditional Vows
[Groom’s name], do you take [Bride’s name] to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and cherish her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, till death do you part? So help you God? {I do.}
[Bride’s name], do you take [Groom’s name] to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and cherish him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, till death do you part? So help you God? {I do.}
Standard Traditional Vows
[Groom’s name], do you take [Bride’s name] to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and cherish her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, till death do you part? So help you God? {I do.}
[Bride’s name], do you take [Groom’s name] to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and cherish him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, till death do you part? So help you God? {I do.}
So let’s look at these vows/promises individually, shall
we?
…to live together in marriage--> In summation of 1Corinthians ch.7, marriage is a holy union of equality and oneness between man and woman wherein each *selflessly* submits themselves to the other for both the physical and spiritual benefit of the other. We must honestly assess ourselves here… …are we consistently “living together IN MARRIAGE” with our spouses? Are our every action towards our spouse premeditated and intentional for their spiritual and/or physical benefit?
…Do you promise:
--> to love your spouse
What is love? 1Corinthians ch.13 defines love as: “…patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. 6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”[1 Corinthians 13:4-7]
^^^Have any of us consistently shown that kind of love for our spouses^^^
[promise…]-->
to comfort one another
What does it mean to “comfort” another person? Comfort is defined as: “the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress.” Surely, we must admit, there have been occasions when we were angry towards our spouse and acted uncompassionately towards our spouses’ feelings and therefore failed to comfort our spouses?
[promise…]--> to honor
What does “honor” mean? Honor means “to regard with great respect.” Have we never spoken in a disrespectful way to our spouses or said something demoralizing? Do we always honor our spouses?
[promise…]--> to cherish
To “cherish” someone is to regard that person as an extremely rare object deserving of the utmost care and protection. When you “cherish” someone you regard that person as priceless in value. Yet, are any of us guilty of taking our spouses for granted? –that’s not cherishing.
…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others
In other words, in respect to all the previous vows, those promises to your spouse take priority over all other people [or things] no matter how good or bad you view your marriage and/or circumstances to be. Are we not all guilty of sometimes choosing to do other things in an effort to avoid our spouses when we know that a conflict is imminent to ensue? Doing so not only breaks this particular vow, but also EVERY promise which precedes it!
…being faithful only to your spouse
Most every one of us may comfortably be able to say that we have kept this promise. However, Jesus taught that it is unfaithful to our spouses to look lustfully at another{Matt5:27-30}. Jesus says that looking at another person as “eye-candy” [that is, “lust of the eyes;” compare 1John2:16] is equal to committing adultery in your heart. For me, personally, I can honestly affirm that there is no room in my eyes for any other woman; as Job had also said: “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”{Job31:1 (KJV)}.
…till death do you part
This is self-explanatory. The marriage covenant is a lifelong commitment. Just as Jesus, Himself, also taught **His followers** to observe. Jesus taught that Moses, through the law, allowed divorce because of the hardness of people’s hearts{Matt19:8a} [ponder it then: Is a hard heart a good thing?]. –BUT, Jesus then affirmed that, from the beginning, divorce was never God’s will{Matt19:8b}. Jesus gives this commandment **to those who will follow Him**--> “…what God has joined together let no one dissolve”{Matt19:6}. -Because it is written, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce”{Malachi2:16}.
…so help you God
This is an express affirmation that the marriage covenant is witnessed in the presence of God and serves as a prayer, also, seeking His intervention in upholding every vow and promise.
“I DO.”
Marriage vows/promises are a covenant –and a covenant which not only is made before earthly witnesses, but is also made in the presence of God and all His angels. We are all guilty of breaking our marriage covenant to a certain degree and extent. We are, therefore, all of us, guilty of the most infamous lie ever told and consequently covenant-breakers. God warns us in the Bible that “covenant-breakers” will not inherit the kingdom of God{Rom1:31 (KJV)}.
So, knowing that we are guilty of lying and are therefore covenant-breakers before God, we should with humility come before God expressing godly remorse{2Cor7:10} and repentance; confess this sin to God and get cleansed of it{1John1:9}; and from now on, “sin no more”{John8:11} -recommitting and purposing in our hearts to keep all our promises in our marriage vows… …so help us God!
What does it mean to “comfort” another person? Comfort is defined as: “the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress.” Surely, we must admit, there have been occasions when we were angry towards our spouse and acted uncompassionately towards our spouses’ feelings and therefore failed to comfort our spouses?
[promise…]--> to honor
What does “honor” mean? Honor means “to regard with great respect.” Have we never spoken in a disrespectful way to our spouses or said something demoralizing? Do we always honor our spouses?
[promise…]--> to cherish
To “cherish” someone is to regard that person as an extremely rare object deserving of the utmost care and protection. When you “cherish” someone you regard that person as priceless in value. Yet, are any of us guilty of taking our spouses for granted? –that’s not cherishing.
…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others
In other words, in respect to all the previous vows, those promises to your spouse take priority over all other people [or things] no matter how good or bad you view your marriage and/or circumstances to be. Are we not all guilty of sometimes choosing to do other things in an effort to avoid our spouses when we know that a conflict is imminent to ensue? Doing so not only breaks this particular vow, but also EVERY promise which precedes it!
…being faithful only to your spouse
Most every one of us may comfortably be able to say that we have kept this promise. However, Jesus taught that it is unfaithful to our spouses to look lustfully at another{Matt5:27-30}. Jesus says that looking at another person as “eye-candy” [that is, “lust of the eyes;” compare 1John2:16] is equal to committing adultery in your heart. For me, personally, I can honestly affirm that there is no room in my eyes for any other woman; as Job had also said: “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”{Job31:1 (KJV)}.
…till death do you part
This is self-explanatory. The marriage covenant is a lifelong commitment. Just as Jesus, Himself, also taught **His followers** to observe. Jesus taught that Moses, through the law, allowed divorce because of the hardness of people’s hearts{Matt19:8a} [ponder it then: Is a hard heart a good thing?]. –BUT, Jesus then affirmed that, from the beginning, divorce was never God’s will{Matt19:8b}. Jesus gives this commandment **to those who will follow Him**--> “…what God has joined together let no one dissolve”{Matt19:6}. -Because it is written, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce”{Malachi2:16}.
…so help you God
This is an express affirmation that the marriage covenant is witnessed in the presence of God and serves as a prayer, also, seeking His intervention in upholding every vow and promise.
“I DO.”
Marriage vows/promises are a covenant –and a covenant which not only is made before earthly witnesses, but is also made in the presence of God and all His angels. We are all guilty of breaking our marriage covenant to a certain degree and extent. We are, therefore, all of us, guilty of the most infamous lie ever told and consequently covenant-breakers. God warns us in the Bible that “covenant-breakers” will not inherit the kingdom of God{Rom1:31 (KJV)}.
So, knowing that we are guilty of lying and are therefore covenant-breakers before God, we should with humility come before God expressing godly remorse{2Cor7:10} and repentance; confess this sin to God and get cleansed of it{1John1:9}; and from now on, “sin no more”{John8:11} -recommitting and purposing in our hearts to keep all our promises in our marriage vows… …so help us God!
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